The...well, Me

Well I've gotten this far telling about the people I met in my freshman year at college but I haven't really said anything about myself. I'm sure you've learned a thing or two about me in the last couple of entries, but I've written a good share about people I've lived with, but nothing just about me. I suppose it's just always easier to write about other people than it is to write about yourself. I think part of that is because I'm still trying to get to know myself. Emotions make everything sort of fuzzy. People as a whole are pretty simple creatures to read. We may not wear our emotions on our sleeves, but they are at least on our skin. You get glimpses of them bit by bit, and even the most bundled up individual can't help but giving you the overall picture if you're around them long enough. As long as you don't let your emotions guess for you, you can understand just about anyone. It's pretty damn hard not to have an emotional opinion about yourself. We're all a bit like impressionist paintings I think. We're so close to ourselves that all we can see are the dots, not the overall picture. I've been working for a while to understand myself, and I doubt I've done as good a job understanding me than half the people around me, but I'll try to do my best.

Of course there's the superficial stuff that I could have no problem talking about. I'm blonde, I'm a junior at LU, those sort of classifications are never hard to make. We do spend enough time thinking about superficial. I wouldn't call myself thin, but I'm not fat. I think my hands are very pretty, I think my eyes are a little too close together and overall I wish I were more dainty in general, but I think for the most part I'm pretty. Any teenage girl could give you a list of the body parts she likes and the ones she wished she could tweak, or change all together. It's internally that we don't like looking.

Really I feel like I'm a study of contradictions. For the most part I like people, but then I like being alone when the mood hits me. I like people who need me, but they have to be independent or they tend to get on my nerves. I'm very logical. For the most part I'll let my head lead, take in all the information and figure out what I want to do that way, but every once in a while my emotions run away without my head. Those are the times I tend to flip out because I at least have the illusion of control when I've thought through things. I'm a bit of a control freak. I don't like feeling out of control. I like to write because it gives me the chance to live in situations I've never experienced and plan out what I would do in those situations, or feel like I have some control over the world in general. I call it schizophrenia for control freaks. I can't stand people who believe things that they have never thought over. I don't care if you're Jewish, Catholic, Wiccan, Atheist as long as you have thought about why you believe what you believe. Because blank says so is not an argument. Overall I'm a optimist. Maybe bad things will happen to you, but if the bad things are all you focus on you'll never experience anything but bad things. You have some control over your world. Maybe a fire burns your house down, maybe you loose your job, you can't change that, but by focusing on the positive you change something in yourself and that helps change the world around you. I find men in uniform extremely hot. I think smoking is one of the most disgusting habits someone could ever pick up and all smokers should be transported to an island where they can pollute their own air and leave mine alone. I'm a feminist in that I believe that men and women should have equal rights and would never give a man complete power over my life, but I do act differently around men and women. I end up as the leader in a group of women, but find myself deferring that position to men more often when they're around, though I have no problem acting to sway their decisions. I just won't act as the head of the group as often. I'm a cat person. I love pretty much any genre of music you could imagine as long as there is some form of harmony (dissonance gets to me). I don't feel close to a lot of people. I'd rather stay self-contained, but if I am close to someone I would do anything to make them happy. I'm too empathetic. I can't be happy when someone I care about is unhappy. I'll cry before I yell. I don't like to cry unless I'm being manipulative. People almost always sympathize with the crying one. I can't cry on cue, but can generally work my way up to it. I'm not manipulative too often unless I'm really upset with you. I tend to get what I want mostly because I have a very strong will and won't generally back down if I feel strongly about something. I'm indecisive. Most the time I don't know if I feel strongly about something. I'm always open to argument. I wish you could still take classes in rhetoric. I named this blog after the Beatles song. I love looking pretty. I love people looking at me when I do look pretty. I can name all 50 states with capitals though I always have a problem remembering New Hampshire's capital and the fact that Indiana exists (It gets lost between Illinois and Ohio all the time). I love my family even when they get on my nerves. My mom is nicer than my dad, but my dad and I are both the ones with strong wills so we clash more often. My brother is a sweetheart even though he's now a teenager and trying to be cool. If you misuse grammar, I most likely will correct you. I get upset when people use blond when talking about women because coming from french it needs an e.

I'm sure there's more I could think to say about myself but I'll leave it for now. I'm sure I could always come back to it if I wanted to. This is my blog after all.
-Lia