The Day

It has not been a good day. Well I suppose the day hasn't been that bad, just my mindset isn't very good right now. I woke up feeling crappy and I have a splitting headache. So far I haven't written much as way of my current friends. As far as readership goes, they are probably the only ones to ever read this, and should I have any passing angry moments I would rather keep that to myself than leave something behind that they'd one day stumble across and start a new riff. I do my best not to think poorly of people, and there are very few people that I really don't like. Even the people who I have had problems with in the past, I do my best to pass the olive branch, or at least let the grudge go. They say holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It can hurt other people, but hurting others hurts yourself too.

Anyway what that entire long set up was about was, I suppose the boyfriend, Michael. I don't think I've actually ever mentioned him before, which I suppose could be seen as strange since the whole "significant others" thing. But I never have been able to get my mind straight. Anything I was thinking came and went so strangely, that I never wanted to put anything in writing. But this morning I woke up and I just realized, that I loved the man, but I wasn't in love with him. I don't know what I'm going to do with that, but my mind has finally settled down long enough. I don't know, maybe I'll feel different later, but I really don't know what to do. I just feel like I still want to be his friend, but I don't think that would be possible so everything is all or nothing...I suppose I'll just have to keep thinking about this. What else can I do?
-Lia