Everytime it Rains

I know it's not literally the Apocalypse, but coming from southern California, the rain we're getting right now here makes it seem like somebody should be building an arc. River keeps laughing at me, saying this is nothing in her experience, but still, there's a whole lot of water falling from the sky. It just makes me think of when I was little and was sure that when it rained it was because the clouds were sad. I mean I know now that it's all about the water cycle and weather patterns and all that jazz, but there's just something inherently sad about a rainy day. I suppose part of that is the fact that drops of water just remind us of crying. It's why I must have thought the clouds were sad. It just seems like the world is crying over something. There's plenty enough on the world to cry about I know.

I've been feeling very jittery and irritable lately. Just everything has been making me anxious. Most of the time I can ignore it, but when I get alone at the end of the day I just feel like yelling or crying all the time. I did a couple nights ago, just ended up crying for no really reason. Just because I felt sad.

I had a dream about Michael last night, we were in Vegas with all our friends, I didn't think about it until my mother asked if he was still hanging around, and now I've been having just this feeling of dread about him. Not about him hurting me, but for some reason hurting himself. I haven't talked to him for a while, just because I couldn't handle things. I hope someone has talked to him recently. I'm just too easy to emotionally blackmail. And I do still care about him, I don't want to date him anymore, but I care about his well being. I just hope I'm displacing this vague feeling of dread onto him and nothing really is wrong. I suppose it's just how I'm going to feel today.